Current weight: 185.5
Goal weight: to feel beautiful and confident in my own skin
Having a baby is seriously one of the coolest experiences a woman can go through; it can also be the most challenging. Not only do we have to grow a human inside of our bodies, but we have to do it for 40 excruciating weeks. The sweet little kicks help, but there comes a point when you’re just freaking over it. You can’t sleep. Eating gives you heartburn. Everything hurts. You’re done. But wait, there’s more. Now you have to go through hell that is labor and delivery. And forget about sleep for the next year.
Again, coolest thing ever, but also so. daggum. hard.
Praise Jesus for epidurals.
Shoutout to all you ladies doing it natural.
And my c-section sisters, you’re a badass. Ya feel me?
As a woman, I’m extremely proud that my body and my body alone was able to keep my babies healthy, on the inside, for 9 months. I’m also extremely proud that my body and my body alone was able to endure hours of labor and successfully push out two little humans. It’s amazing. Our bodies are amazing. All the Glory to God for the miracle of life.
But, as a woman who has gone through two pregnancies, I am not proud of my postpartum body.
When I look in the mirror I see lumps and rolls in places that didn’t used to be there. When I run my fingers across my stretch marks I cringe and wish I could just rub them away. I refuse to wear clothes that show my arms because they’re twice the size that they used to be. Shorts? HA. Yeah, right. You won’t catch me in those unless I’m going to bed because I’m ashamed of my thighs and legs – they jiggle, they rub together, they’re imperfect.
The thing about becoming a mother is that nobody really tells you about hard it’s going to be. Like, hi it would have been nice if someone had told me that I would be wearing diapers for 2 weeks.
You can go to all the prenatal classes you want to, and read all the baby books, but nothing prepares you for motherhood like the real thing. No one can get you ready for the moment when you’re pushing and the doctor yells to stop because your baby’s heart rate keeps dropping. No one lets you know that your postpartum hormones are from satan himself and you’ll spend day after day crying and begging your husband not to go to work. No one tells you how freaking hard breastfeeding is or that pumping makes you feel like a prisoner. No one prepares you for the moment of terror you feel as you’re leaving the hospital.
And no one tells you just how foreign your body is going to feel to you postpartum – the squishy pooch that is still there, your massive leaky boobs, the extra weight that didn’t magically disappear after birth. It ain’t glamorous. It’s not what you’re used to. And most of the time you want to hide behind loose fitting clothing and baseball caps.
I’m sick of feeling this way.
I’m tired of hating what I see in the mirror.
I just want to live my life.
I’m ready to love my postpartum body.
Society tells us women that we are *supposed* to magically lose the baby weight and “bounce back” the minute our child enters the world. This is pure crap. If you have had a baby you know good and well that you’re going to be rocking a 6 month pooch for a while. Society tells us that being a size 2 is what you *need* to be. Again, screw that. I’ve been a size 2 and I was just as unhappy if not more. Pizza is better than being skinny. Society tells us that small waists, big boobs, and plump lips is beautiful. No. Just, no. Society tells us what we should be eating, drinking, and wearing in order to feel accepted. Just because Kourtney Kardashian eats a salad every day doesn’t mean I have to.
You know what Jesus has to say about beauty?
In 1 Peter 3:3-4 he says “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles, and the wearing gold jewlery or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”
The unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.
In Genesis 1:27 it says “so God created mankind in HIS own image, the image of God he created them, male and female he created them.”
I am made in God’s own image. Wow. How can I hate a body that was made to look like God?
And in Song of Songs 4:7 it states “You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.”
THERE IS NO FLAW IN YOU.
Do you hear me? There. is. no. flaw. in. you.
You are perfectly imperfect because God made you that way.
I get it. Our bodies feel strange to us after giving birth. They’re softer that’s for dang sure. But, instead of focusing on how your body looks, think about what it has done. Think about how it was able to house a sweet child, how it was able to deliver that baby into the world, and how it is able to keep going even when it is tired. This about how it can literally feed your baby. Our bodies are incredible.
You know that old body that you so desperately want back? It couldn’t do half the things that your new, postpartum body can do. So, let it go.
Your worth is not a number on the scale.
Your worth is not a smaller pants size.
Your worth is not a flatter tummy.
Your worth is not a thigh gap.
Your value begins with the fact that you were created by the hand of our Almighty God. You are cherished in His heart. He loves you no matter what your body looks like. He loves you even when you don’t love yourself. Your worth is in Jesus.
Eat the cookies.
Drink the wine.
Love your body.
Beauty is fleeting sweet Mama, but those who fear the Lord are to be praised.